This time last year I posted about being part of a working group to launch the inaugural:

Australian Adoption Literary Festival

One way or another this very small group, with even smaller financial and other support, managed to get it off the ground. It was hectic on the day, and beset by technical difficulties, but everyone involved pulled out the stops and did their best to keep the programme running.

This is a long post with a specialised theme which will be of interest to only a narrow group of those who receive it. I understand that, and some of my followers may choose not to read further. But for those for whom this is significant, I have decided to post it as one whole, rather than break into disparate parts.

Update: Since making the above statement, a reader pointed out to me that “the impacts spread to the whole of society and I think everyone (starting with me!) needs to listen“. This resonated with me. There are no firm statistics, but the best estimate is that 250,000 Australian-born children were adopted between 1950 and 1975, plus many others since then from overseas. The ripples are wide. It is said that one in fifteen people are affected by adoption in some way, be that direct or distant family, friends, neighbours or workmates.

Our reach for this first foray was small but wide. A number of people attended in person at the Sydney offices of the Post Adoption Resource Centre (PARC is part of The Benevolent Society), under whose auspices the festival ran. Adoption counsellors were on hand there to help guide, direct, and support.

The sessions were all run online. While Covid introduced Zoom to many “newbie” users, we were constrained to MS Teams, and not all viewers could make the switch easily. Others could not find their mute button, so there are some interruptions. Nevertheless! 50-60 of the 100 registered made it online to hear each live session. Given the size of Australia, going online had the advantage of reaching interstate people who could never have attended in person. We even had one viewer from Scotland, which was a massive effort given the time difference. It’s worth noting the struggle that Scottish mothers have had to gain acknowledgement for the trauma caused to them by the injustices of their Forced Adoption era. It is only last March that their then First Minister Nicola Sturgeon issued a formal apology.  

It took some time for the recordings to be made available on YouTube, by which time my “To-Do” list had been over-run by other priorities. So, it is only now I am sharing them with my followers. But the timing is appropriate also, as once again November’s Adoption Awareness Month is just around the corner.

The YouTube statistics indicate each panel presentation has only been shared in the low hundreds. Perhaps you may like to get on board and spread the word to others in your community affected by adoption.

There is hope another literary event can run in 2025. With luck another service will come onboard to share the workload and help manage some of the difficulties. The planning runup became onerous for the committee of five, and on the day, because it was a weekend, the technical side was not professionally resourced.

But the internet has made the world a small place, so if anyone reading this wishes to put their hand up to assist any way, I sure would love to hear from you.

Meantime … on with the show!

The Mixed Genre topic kicked off the morning. This is the longest link in the series because it contains introductions: firstly, from Sarah Burns, the Manager of PARC, and then the Welcome to Country by Yvonne Weldon – which for many of my international followers may be the first exposure to this tradition. Yvonne has taken the opportunity to expand on the typical welcome to give further background to indigenous history.

These first two introductions are followed by Jane Sliwka, an adoptee and working group member, who provides background on the day’s format and speakers. At 20 minutes we hear who the upcoming participants are, with the actual session beginning at the 23-minute mark.

In this session, author Suzanne Leal hosts guest panellists: EJ Clarence, Ryan Gustafsson & Meg OShea, who are exploring their adoption journey through a variety of different written forms, from comics, prose, narrative non-fiction and academic work. Ryan and Meg are intercountry (transracial) adoptees – in this case – both Korean born, and their thoughts may be of particular interest to some American followers. Please note, even though Ryan has a US accent, he’s Australian by nationality and both he and Meg are raised in Australia.  

Australian Adoption Literary Festival | Mixed Genre (youtube.com)

Session Two was an in-conversation hosted by the previously mentioned Jane Sliwka, speaking with Susannah McFarlane & Robin Leuba, a daughter and mother separated by adoption, and co-authors of ‘Heartlines: The year I met my other mother’. This is a rare opportunity to understand the challenges of reunion. (Unfortunately, Susannah and Robin didn’t realise they were not in full frame, but that does not diminish their words).

Australian Adoption Literary Festival | In Conversation | Heartlines (youtube.com)

A lunch break for us all to catch our breath, before launching into Session Three, Mothers. This got off to a rocky start: viewers not on mute, distracting movement, and the Facilitator, Jaqueline Kent, author of a biography on our previous Prime Minister, Julia Guillard, who issued the Federal Apology, not able to be on screen. I was in the Sydney office, kind of unofficially representing all the participants. Shortly before going to air, it became apparent I would need to hotspot off my mobile phone. It was only later I realised the signal was not strong enough to support audio and visual simultaneously … What can I say? We mothers are a resilient lot and have faced much greater challenges in the past. This is merely a learning blip.

Australian Adoption Literary Festival | Memoir Panel | Mothers (youtube.com)

The final session of the day concentrated on adoptees. Susan Francis, herself an adoptee and author of the memoir The Love that Remains, led panellists Abraham Maddison, Karen Ingram, and Dianne O’Brien in a discussion of their memoirs and adoption experience. This session will be of critical interest to those adoptees who are struggling with how to find their own voice to express their experiences.

Australian Adoption Literary Festival | Memoir Panel | Adoptees (youtube.com)

There was lots of feedback from the day, and I have permission to share here some comments on what viewers appreciated:

• Listening to how people affected by adoption make sense of their experience through reflection and writing.
• The importance of having an event dedicated to Adoption will have given many people a feeling of validation, acceptance and direction. Bringing such an emotive topic out into the open will hopefully continue to help those impacted by past practices.
• Witnessing the bravery of people sharing their stories, that help others to understand their own, as well as bringing awareness of the trauma the government, church and conservative society are uncomfortable facing.
• I am inspired and encouraged by these amazing and disparate stories to really focus and work on capturing my own adoption story. I have found endless excuses over the last 25 years to not focus. However, today’s festival has been so motivating and has given me that big kick up the butt to just get on with it.
• It allowed for different sort of examination of adoption matters in a personal and powerful way.  It brought a different group together and allowed us all enrichment in our knowledge and experience, and it felt a safe space to be in, where there was understanding and support.
• I sent my birthmother a link in NZ and we both watched apart and spoke about it after. Special.
• And … the sobering reminder …
• Everyone should bear in mind: “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

The overall aim of the day was to bring a sense of connection, of centering the voices of those living with the impacts of adoption and allowing those listening in to feel less alone.

Some reading this may wonder where the adoptive parents figured on this day. For this inaugural event, it was the adoptees who were to be centre stage, as many face a challenging dichotomy. They report valuing their relationships with their adoptive parents and yet struggling with loss, questions of identity and belonging. These two states of being can be true at once; and admitting these challenges don’t necessarily mean their love for their parents is less. They may have had a ‘good’ adoptive experience and yet questions remain. That is not a criticism of individuals necessarily – it is a reality of adoption. Some adoptive parents find this hard to hear. With the result some adoptees are left to carry these feelings internally, unable to express them for fear of hurting the parents who have been there for them day in and day out. For this reason, adoptive parents are urged to “listen in with a curious heart”.

In my personal experience I have met several adoptive parents who are open to hearing hard things and understanding their child’s inner experience. They are ready to watch, support and allow their child to express their (often conflicted) feelings openly.

I have also encountered the opposite, where adoptees search at the same time as sheltering their parents from knowing what they are doing. It speaks to how heavily some adopted people have had to carry the needs of their parents above their own. I understand some adoptive parents are fearful they will “lose” their children (the blood is thicker than water theory). Again, from my personal experience, it is rare that any reunion supplants the relationship formed in those vital growth years. We mothers may come to know the children we lost, but the mother-child bond, once cut, is rarely restitched without leaving heavy scars on both sides. Sometimes there is forgiveness. Sometimes there is not. Sometimes an uneasy truce is arrived at. Sometimes there is an initial honeymoon period followed by a traumatic breakup. There is no one size fits all.

Anyhow … again from my own experience of growing up virtually parentless, can any of us ever have too many people in our lives who love and care for us? Why must the adoptee be put in the position of choosing one over the other?

Thank you to those who have read to the end and investigated some or all the links. Those of us who brought this project to life, and who participated on the day, hope that by being honest with our experiences, more will come to know they are heard, and they are valued.

You are never alone.